


Sensory Loss

by Colamiilk



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Fix-It, Fudou Akira Lives, Goretober 2018, Im sorry Im spamming the devilman tag I just have a lot of feelings, M/M, Mostly Canon Compliant, No one else though rip, Post canon, Ryo has shitty empathy, Theres way less gore then I intended and way more feels, day 2 Sensory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 20:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16166774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colamiilk/pseuds/Colamiilk
Summary: Akira’s breaths had slowed down a bit since Ryo had come, thoroughly distracted by all the emotions spinning through his mind to be panicked about his current state. Ryo’s wings fluttered a bit, knocking loose a few more particles of dazzling light before they came down to shield Akira from the rest of the world.---DrawKill's 2018 Goretober event! Day 2 - Sensory Loss





	Sensory Loss

**Author's Note:**

> Hi i'm trash that wants nothing more than for Ryo to be happy. Humanities trash baby I completely understand u. A bit of a reminder that these are Goretober fills that I have like a day to write and edit, I try my best but there going to be a bit rough because of the time crunch.

Akira’s heart was going like a jackhammer, blood spurting out of the bottom of his wound sporadically. He was hyperventilating, his vision was spotting. Oh god… His legs were gone, there was nothing left of them… He couldn’t even see his lower half anywhere around him, when it got sliced off as if he was nothing but hot butter it must’ve gone flying somewhere else.

His hands were twitching at his sides, his eyes flickering around him rapidly. He didn’t even know what he was looking for, maybe just something, someone, anything to distract him from this all consuming feeling of fear. 

What was going to happen to him? How was he still alive? 

Ryo, Satan, Whoever landed feather light next to his side, his wings gracefully thumping against the floor before going to wrap around himself. Shiny bits of light fell down around him looking almost like glitter as he began to gently approach the dying demon. 

Akira growled, as soon as that shit got close enough he was going to wring the life out of him. Feel that weirdly smooth paper white skin twist under his grasp, watch as the man’s wings fluttered sporadically until he heard that disgusting wet snap and watched the angel go limp. His eyes that glew much too bright, like a crystalline water trapped within the orbs would flood out and go grey. His infuriating smirk would fall into a fall of limp indifference. And then…

And then Akira would be alone.

For real this time. 

There’d be literally no one left. 

Those thoughts made his spitting and growling quiet to weird chirs by the time Ryo’s hand caressed the side of his face. The angel laid down besides him, placing his head into his hand so he could stare down at Akira with a hopelessly lovesick expression. His wings extended behind him casting his body in a shadow that made his eyes glow even more than they already had.

Akira’s breaths had slowed down a bit since Ryo had come, thoroughly distracted by all the emotions spinning through his mind to be panicked about his current state. Ryo’s wings fluttered a bit, knocking loose a few more particles of dazzling light before they came down to shield Akira from the rest of the world.

Like this there was nothing but Ryo, Even his own disfigured body was hard to see past the layers and layers of fluffy white down. Ryo’s wide mouth was set into a warm V shaped smile and his eyes had closed gently, his eyelashes kissing the tops of his cheeks. He looked so happy, so at peace that it almost tricked Akira into thinking everything was okay again. 

“R-Ryo…” He coughed up a glob of blood with the horribly hoarse words, spraying Ryo with a fine spattering of red. Surprisingly Ryo didn’t flinch, look disgusted or move to wipe the blood off, instead his eyes just opened ever so slightly and he cocked his head in a silent push for Akira to go ahead and say what was on his mind. 

“Why am I not dead? H-How?” Ryo chuckled slightly, it was like the sound of a bunch of twinkling bells. Akira stared in wonder, trying to figure out if the angel’s voice had changed when he transformed or if he had never heard Ryo laugh before. 

“I told you, you’ve inherited Amon’s immortal soul. Nothing will kill you anymore.” There was a horrible sinking feeling in Akira’s chest as he heard that. There wasn’t nothing relieving about hearing that, nothing calming about knowing this wound wouldn’t kill him. 

“But don’t worry,” Ryo’s hands travelled down his chest and down into his wound. His touch was as light as the feathers that covered his wings but Akira still began to hiss and flail. The devil above him just sighed and used his wings to pin him down further, to make it impossible for him to struggle. 

“I’ll take care of you.” There was something mildly threatening about that. Ryo said it with nothing but love and yet Akira still felt shivers wrack his spine. Ryo was hovering over him, his golden hair surrounding Akira’s face in a halo of light, his eyes piercing into his soul. He was going to be with Ryo forever now, wasn’t he? 

He felt sick, queasy, like he might spit up a bit. The part that felt the worst was the weird pressure on his soul disappearing, the grief that was being forgotten with each soft touch of Ryo’s hands. He wanted to be mad, to be hateful like he had been when he first made the mistake of trying to fight the devil himself. 

The blood loss was making him loopy though, and his mind was going from hateful and searingly focused on all he had lost to drippy and desperate for more of the reassurance that everything would be alright. 

Another pang traveled up his spine making his back arch and attempt to kick and bend the legs that were no longer there. He whined at the horrible pain that was encompassing him. It felt as if his legs were made of gas now, like he needed to trap their spirit into a tight little package and keep them from fading more so they wouldn’t ache so bad. He wondered if it would’ve felt like this with Silene if he had had the time to focus on his missing arm before passing out. 

Now that he thought about it this was kind of reminiscent of when he had first woken back up after getting his ass handed to him. His heart burned horribly at that memory and tears began to bubble out of his eyes. He wanted  _ his  _ Ryo back, the one he knew for so long that would care for him no matter what happened. The Ryo that was always doing something crazy but mostly just sat on his computer and smiled as Akira exaggeratedly told him about his day. 

He wanted things to go back to how they were. He wanted back those days where he could love Ryo with all his heart without feeling like he was completely betraying everyone else he had ever loved. The few tears that were slipping down his face turned into soul wracked sobs, his entire chest heaved with each wail he made. 

He barely noticed Ryo had begun to move until the angel’s cold soft hands brushed under his eyes and flicked away his tears. Hiccuping pathetically he watched as Ryo’s smile finally began to slip, there was a weird flush of red that settled on the top of his cheeks and nose and his eyes twitched a bit. 

It wasn’t until the first tear slipped down that he realized that Ryo was crying. The shock was enough to make Akira completely stop himself. Ryo was crying.  _ Ryo.  _ At first it was one, then a couple more bubbled out of his eyes, then it was full on crying. The tears splashed against Akira’s own face and washed off the blood that had splattered there. 

There was a moment Akira just sat there in complete shock, Ryo’s hands were still holding the sides of his face but they were shaking ever so slightly. Sitting up the best he could in his predicament he slowly moved to grab Ryo’s hands and pull them away from his face. 

Ryo looked even more grief stricken as Akira dropped his hands, his tears building up even more and a whine that sounded foreign coming from Ryo’s mouth slipping out. Akira tried his best to give a reassuring smile, to do what Ryo had done for him a million times before. His hands moved to hold Ryo’s face softly, much like the other just had done to Akira himself. 

There was a moment he paused, questioned if he really wanted to do this. This was Satan in front of him, someone who just caused all of humanity to die a gruesome death using nothing but his words and a couple of demons who didn’t know how to control themselves. Someone who got everyone to turn against each other so fast that no one had the time to question what they were doing. 

But this was also Ryo… 

Akira met their lips in a soft kiss, ignoring how his mouth still tasted of blood and how his lower half was twitching weirdly as it was trying to regrow a pair of legs for him. Ryo was completely frozen in his grasp, his arms had fallen limply to his sides. 

There was a second or two were he was the only one doing anything, but soon Ryo recovered and began kissing back furiously. Akira couldn’t help but laugh at how excited Ryo was, at how the angel practically tackled him back onto the ground. 

The glow that surrounded Ryo began to brighten and hurt Akira’s eyes even though they were already closed. Letting a few more chuckles slip out his mouth and into Ryo’s own he pulled the other back so they could look at each other once more. 

He had to squint with how bright Ryo was, it was almost like he was trying to stare at the sun like this. His warm smile finally began to slip into a depressed line, and he looked at the angel’s eyes with a seriousness he was unsure if they had ever shared together. 

Ryo began to dim as he noticed Akira’s expression, all his wings drooped slightly and surrounded them with what could be confused with a wall of luxurious blankets. Akira glanced away for a second before looking back at Ryo. The other looked like a puppy, desperate. So long he had been the one chasing after Ryo, it felt extremely wrong for things to flip like this so suddenly. 

Brushing the other’s golden hair he let it fall from his fingers like water, amazed at how it shimmered with the slightest of movement. Akira’s hand traveled down the angel’s collar bone before clutching his shoulder tightly. 

“Ryo… you know what you’ve done, don’t you?” Ryo’s face twisted down into an ugly frown, he looked more like a petulant child then the ethereal godlike creature he was like this. 

“Of course I do.” He said it so firmly, like he was insulted that Akira even considered he wasn’t aware of what he was doing this entire time. It made Akira’s blood boil. Ryo obviously didn’t get that Akira was giving him the benefit of the doubt by asking that, giving him an out to excuse the horrible atrocities he had caused. 

“You’ve killed everyone I’ve ever loved. You’ve gotten rid of everything humanities ever built.” He said it as measuredly as he could, never before would he of thought he’d come to a point where he had to keep his temper in check with Ryo. 

“It was bound to happen one day.” If Akira could sit up on his own he’d get right up against Ryo and slam their heads together as hard as he could. Why did he have to be such a goddamn asshole about this? Could he not see that Akira was  _ trying  _ to meet a halfway with him? Despite the fact that he knew  _ Ryo  _ should be the one begging for forgiveness? 

“Why did you feel the need to speed it up then?” Ryo bit his lip, leaning back onto the balls of his feet to stare off to the side and away from Akira. A million thoughts fluttered through Akira’s mind with that movement. The first thought being how insufferably hot it was without Ryo’s cold body pressed up against his own. But the one he kept getting caught on was how hard Ryo seemed to be thinking about this. 

Ideas of what Ryo could possibly be considering spun around his head before the angel mercifully answered. 

“As Ryo… it was never my intention to cause all of this…” Akira felt his heart stop dead in his chest. His mind whispered everything from ‘he’s lying’ to ‘could it really be?’. The overabundance of conflicting feelings in head made him feel like throwing up, like banging his head against the rock they were lying on until he passed out. 

When Ryo started talking again Akira held his breath. All his thoughts quieted into nothingness as he desperately listened to what the angel would say next.

“As a human… I made a lot of decisions I didn’t understand at the time. Decisions I made with knowledge that wasn’t in my conscious brain...” Ryo held his arm awkwardly, looking everywhere but Akira. He almost whispered parts of what he said while other parts he said firmly. As he finished off his sentence he sort of curled into himself for a second before straightening himself back up and looking at Akira with an intensity that made Akira shrink in fear. 

“When I was him, When I didn’t have all the information I have now, the only goal I had was protecting you.” Akira took a sharp intake of breath. Hearing that hurt. It hurt worse than seeing Miki’s severed head, It hurt worse than watching the last of humanity die like bugs scrambling to get out of a fly trap, it hurt worse than the weird pusy yellow goo that was dripping out of his hips forming the beginnings of his new legs. 

“So he’s gone, isn’t he?” Akira’s voice cracked as he said that. He was just barely holding back a fresh tidal wave of tears. Ryo, or whoever he had turned into leaned down back into his personal space with a worried expression. 

“No! I’m still him! I just… remembered some things.” Ryo sounded almost sad… Like he was upset he had remembered who he was and what had lead him here. Akira felt a small twinge of sympathy for the other before shaking all those thoughts out of his head. That was a dumb train of thought. 

But still… he had to wonder if Ryo was struggling with this change as much as he was. What could it even be like to remember years, millenia of your life that you had been completely unaware had even existed? 

“When I was human I was being pushed by the force of repressed memories. I couldn’t decide to whether or not I wanted to follow there guide because I didn’t even know they were pushing me a certain way.” There was something in there that gave Akira a small light of hope. A small phrase that made Akira think that maybe, just maybe Ryo did regret what he had done. 

“Would you do it again?” He said it so softly, it was like he was gently shoving Ryo in the right direction.  Ryo blinked a few times, bit his lip and held his arms tightly against himself. He looked unsure, almost scared. Akira’s excitement grew. 

He knew how far he was reaching, how desperate he was to find someway for Ryo to be redeemable. He wasn’t even sure at this point why he cared so much about Ryo regretting what he had done. They were here now, it wasn’t like there was any going back. But for his own sanity he needed the angel to admit his fault, just so he could feel like he wasn’t betraying everyone he ever knew and everything he ever believed in. 

“I- I don’t know.” Akira found himself at a loss with that response. 

“What do you mean?” Ryo shifted a few times, his mouth opening and closing with a few failed attempts to say what was on his mind. Akira moved his elbows to he could lean in closer, he was barely breathing as he waited for the angel’s reply. 

“I- I don’t regret what I did, I don’t regret any of this.” Akira’s heart plummeted to the ground with that. His mouth hung slightly open and his eyes were wide. Really? After all of this Ryo was still going to refuse to even say he was remorseful? He couldn’t even say it for Akira’s sake? 

“But I regret making you sad.” Akira sighed, flopping back he put his hands over his face and shook his head no sadly. His heart did come back a bit at hearing Ryo say that but it still felt like someone putting a bandaid over a broken bone. It was a half hearted attempt to make things better. An attempt he knew wasn’t going to fix the problem but the thought was still there. 

“Is that why you cried?” Ryo made a small noise of confirmation that sounded a bit strained and the slightest bit embarrassed. If everything wasn’t so awful right now he might of considered poking fun at Ryo for how ashamed he was of crying. But instead he just threw one of his arms back up to brush against his forehead. Akira was finding that the more information he got Ryo to divulge only served to make him more and more confused on where to go from here. 

Moments passed between them in silence and Ryo had settled at an angle that Akira couldn’t really see him at. Now that the horror had passed and the pain had died down to a dull throb that was seriously irritating but at least ignorable, this whole not having a lower half was getting really annoying. He really couldn’t do much other then lay on his back or prop himself up on his elbows. 

Finally Ryo broke the silence again. 

“Do you forgive me?” The horrors of the last week or so of his life flooded back and made the spark of anger that had almost completely diminished flare back up a bit. He found himself needing to take a sharp intake of breath to calm himself down before finally answering. 

“No…” He could see Ryo’s wings droop out of the corner of his eye and he felt his heart do the same in response. Why was it so hard to stay mad at Ryo? He couldn’t help but backtrack a bit.

“I- I don’t know… not yet at least.” Ryo seemed to understand that at the very least and nodded in reluctant acceptance. 

“Do you still love me?” Akira paused. The moment of silence between them was thick and horrible. The words that tickled the back of his tongue felt like poison, burning and disgusting. He wanted to swallow them back and never let them see the light of day, but at the same time… 

“I couldn’t stop if I wanted to.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to be participating in Goretober this month so!! I'm sorry If I clog the tags XD I don’t like making those solid multi-chapter theme collection things :’) I find that i never read them myself so…  
> Anyway! All 30 days won’t be Devilman, I’m a pretty big fan of JJBA as well so it’ll probably be split between the two. I hope I end up writing something y’all enjoy <3!!


End file.
